Tuesday, March 9, 2010

God-- the Keeper of My Heart

Today was a beautiful day---sunny, warm. This afternoon, I was at our bible study of Daniel. We are getting to the section of the end times. Yes, we do not understand alot of it, we only see through a glass darkly, but some day our vision will be 20/20 and we will see it all very clearly.
When I got home, I decided to go out to the cemetery, since I have not been there in awhile. As I drove back there, it all looked so different than it did last summer and fall. It looked even more lonely and sad---if that is even possible, no flowers, dirty snow, but the sky was beautiful---. As I got out of the car and started to walk over to his grave, I noticed that somebody had been there and did put flowers on it. I knelt down and seen somebody had laid ten white roses beside the grave and also somebody had entangled several sunflowers into the greenery I had there. As I stood there, with water oozing around my feet from the melting snow, water stand on his grave where part of the snow had melted, my thoughts wondered back to that hot summer day we all stood around that open grave. Our boy was being laid to rest--how can this possibly be true----it can seem so long since I seen him, talked with him, gave him hug, but only yesterday that the horror of that phone call ripping my heart out. I stood there remembering how all those young kids were kneeling around his casket saying their final good-bye, but they did not leave that day, never to come back. Their pain is as real to them as mine can be to me---One might have thought that young kids would have moved on after almost seven months---as death is not something a young person wants to think about---it truly touches my heart when I see them thinking of Taylor and actually spending time out by his grave. Taylor must have touched their heart's in a special way---I pray they seen a part of God in him. While I was standing there thinking about Taylor, i notice in the background the sound of a 4 wheeler coming down the road. I can hear it shifting gears and flying down the road--just like what Taylor would have done on such a pretty day----I just closed my eyes and i could see Taylor on his in our back yard flying from one end of the yard to the other, shifting gears every chance he got--making as much noise as possible. I could see the wind blowing in his hair, a smile on his face----he would have loved today---sunny, getting warm--spring in the the air. Even though, I was thinking of these things that would never be again, my heart was not breaking into a million pieces, like it so often does when I go out to the cemetery---it just makes it all so real when I go out there----I felt a peace---like God was right there beside me---He is the keeper of my heart---He was holding it in his Hands and giving me His Amazing Grace and Comfort. I just stood there a long time, just thinking what was and what is. I also had this real desire to go to the accident site, so that is what I did. As i pulled into the drive beside the site, I noticed new things were also there. I got out and walked down by the water, where the cross is. There was nothing calm about this site---the water was rushing over the rocks, ice and snow were breaking off and floating down the creek. As I got down to the cross I seen there were two white roses laying beside the cross, and also several sunflowers-, but then I noticed that somebody had put a copy of the "Fastline" magazine that Taylor is featured in---in a ziplock bag, but really what grabbed my attention was several notes that somebody had written. I picked them up to read, and seen one had a verse on it 1 John 4: 7-12---talks all about love---God's love, love one another----God is drawing these kids closer to Him, for that, I am very thankful. As I was reading these verses,this person actually took the time to write them all out, I also seen the two notes inside the bag, tears by now were streaming down my cheeks. The notes were written to Tay,---they touched my heart deeply. Remember to pray for these kids, their hearts are hurting too. I sat there with the sun shining down on my back, water rushing right beside me, my mind slipped back to that summer evening when all those kids were together having a good time, not knowing that very soon all our lives would be changed forever. Not knowing one of them would soon go from this earth to eternity in a blink of an eye. Even though, tears were streaming down my face, I still felt God right there holding my heart. I felt a peace knowing that God never makes mistakes, His plan is always perfect-----He will take care of me until the day I arrive at His Pearly Gates. I looked up into the beautiful blue sky and thought, just what are you doing today, Taylor. Yes, you would have loved today, but everyday is beautiful now. This bible study we are going to on Sunday nights about Heaven, just makes this all seem so much more real---the day is really coming, when Jesus is coming to take us home with Him.

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