Just Some Thoughts

We started our Bible Study yesterday. We do Beth Moore studies and have decided to do the one on Daniel. This is our third study with this group of women. Diane and I were talking later,we were saying just think how much has changed in those three years. One was diagnose with breast cancer, one is waiting for a kidney transplant, one lost a sibling, one was diagnose with glaucoma, and I lost a son. We pray for each other, and lift each other up to the Throne of God, but we still each have to fight the demons in the middle of the night by ourselves---well that is not true, God is always right there beside us. Isn't it night time that satan likes to come and play in our minds. Doesn't he like to take all the blessings and triumphs that God has given us throughout the day and plant seeds of doubts and discouragements. I woke up last night in the middle of the night and found myself thinking once again about all the things that I will not see Taylor do. One that really stuck was what will it be like when I see Taylor's friends getting married and having kids. Grandkids i will never hold. I just had to pray over and over, Please Jesus please fill this whole that I have in my heart with You. Today, God brought this verse to my mind Romans 8:28 which says" We know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love Him and who have been called according to His purpose." I just sat back and tried to think on it. It did not say, SOMETIMES God brings good to those who love Him, but in ALL things. I wanted to say --I think there has been a mistake here, I don't see anything good in this tragedy----our hearts are all broken in a thousand pieces. But then God does not lie, so it has to be true. So, I must believe that God will bring good out of this tragedy. I do pray, God, if You decide to show me while I am still here on earth, help me to see it, or maybe I will never know what it is until I meet Jesus at Heaven's Gates. I just don't want to be lost in grief somewhere and miss it all. I do know --that verse is a promise, and God never breaks a promise. Right now, though, it is hard for me to feel or see it being good, but that is what is called faith----believing without seeing. Faith really is not knowing how God will bring His will into being---faith is knowing that God will bring His will into being. No, i did not think of that on my own, I got it out of my grief book---but I thought it said it all.
Brooke is now driving Taylor's truck. She has not yet gotten a vehicle after she her accident. She had been borrowing a kind hearted teacher's car, but he needed it back. So what was it going to be like with Taylor's truck parked in the garage very night, so every time I go out into the garage I see it. I must admit it does give me a pain in my heart, but it is something how your mind get "use" to that image. I do try not to look as she is driving down the lane in it---that is more than I can stand for right now.
Even though, we are going down this journey of grief, every once in a while we do find ourselves laughing. Last night after dinner, Brooke and I were still sitting at the table and Jeff and Spencer were going to do dishes. Spencer did not think he should have to do dishes and was being sarcastic, I had two little baby carrots on my plate, so I very carefully picked them up and threw them at this head, and bingo, both hit him in the head. Well, knowing Spencer he had to get revenge, he comes over and picks me right up off my feet and carrys me around, can you see this picture---big tall Spenc is holding me and I am kicking my legs in every direction trying to get down. We did all end up laughing pretty hard. It felt good to once again to just laugh.