Thursday, October 22, 2009

A Calmer Day

I will finish part two of viewing day tomorrow morning when I am here by myself, so if I cry nobody will be here. Today was a calmer day--the waves were not as big and with God's help I didn't get knocked over. Yes, i cry some everyday, but what is bad is when I get up and have this terrible sadness in my heart that is so deep I can barely breath. I don't have this every day and for that I am thankful. God probably knows a person could not survive day after day in that kind of pain. An emotional pain ---Heart pain is so different from a physical pain. I know I can't say this for all physical pain, because I have never been in intense physical pain for a long period of time and I pray I never am, but usually there is some kind of pain killers a person can take that can help to some degree. With an emotional pain, there is really no medication to take, well I guess you could get on drugs or alcohol, but that will only make it worse in the long run. I have found there is only one kind of medication that helps and that is crying out to God for His help. Just like today, I knew if I had too many days in a row like yesterday, I was going to be on a slippery slope to depression--another favorite tool of satan's. When I got up today, I decided to look up some of the verses that was in Taylor's funeral. Yes, I have listen to it again. It was very sad in some parts, but also very encouraging in other parts. I was taking some of the verses in the encouraging parts and was going to read and think on them. Psalms 46 was one of them, so thought I would study that one. While I thought I was in the Psalms's, God must have thought that I needed something else because He took me to Isaiah 46. I started reading it and when I got to verse 4, it was like God was saying "This is What I Am doing for you, you just got side tracked yesterday and didn't feel it". Here is what the verse said I have made you (this is very true) and I will carry you (He has done this often in the last weeks); I will sustain you (He has upheld me many times), and I will rescue you (He has pulled me more than once from satan's grips of discouragement, fear, loneliness and He will rescue me from grief one day). Another verse to put into my memory. I have a little plaque that Amber, April, and Autumn gave me that says "God will always keep His promises" I am hanging on to each and every one of them. I heard something today that I thought was rather interesting. They said God has a plan---the plan of Salvation, a plan for each of our lives and satan has an agenda---his agenda is to destroy every plan God has for us---he is trying to take every blessing that God had planned for us to have. I know satan gets his agenda plenty of times with me, but maybe I can be just alittle bit more aware of his agenda--trying to destroy God's plan for me. Thank you all who perhaps prayed extra hard for me yesterday or even today---it was a better day--God carried me through another day. Thank you Jesus---I give Praise to your Name!

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